Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize