i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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