he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
