wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Come on in and take your pants off
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