dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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