dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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