to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
