Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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