Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
