I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
