Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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