if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize