I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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