sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
