My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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