8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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