You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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