why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize