Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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