She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
