omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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