my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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