A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How external is "for external use only"?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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