I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We're too hungover to prance.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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