you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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