And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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