i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
