You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
