At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
