plz talk dirty to me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is my gift to your gina
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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