are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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