Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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