I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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