I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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