Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Green mimosas i think yes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
