Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
