can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize