Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
