Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
