i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
