i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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