don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
