She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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