So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
