Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize