So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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