Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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