No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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