now i know why i became what i already was.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
