i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
send nudes
from the living room?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
