More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
