i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
