My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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