it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
