she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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