We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
