i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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