I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
