If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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