i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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