Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish you could order shots online.
My pussy is not your playground.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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