connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize